Baby Loss Awareness Week: William's Story
Trigger Warning - some people may find the following story upsetting. For further information on how the health board can signpost you for support, please email ctm.bereavementsupport@wales.nhs.uk
Baby Loss Awareness Week takes place each year between 9 and 15 October. This year we are helping to mark its 22nd year.
The week is an opportunity to bring people together as a community and give anyone touched by pregnancy and baby loss a safe and supportive space to share their experiences and feel that they are not alone.
Cwm Taf Morgannwg UHB is committed to continuing to provide the highest level of care and support to bereaved parents and raise awareness of baby loss.
Two days before baby William’s due date, mum Danika received the devastating news that he no longer had a heartbeat. This is their story…
“My pregnancy was uncomplicated overall. My daughter, who’s now three, has a rare genetic condition and was small when she was born so I had additional monitoring with William. I felt like it was a bonus to see him more often.
A week before William’s due date I had a scan and everything looked well. On Monday 10 June I hadn’t feel the baby move and that evening visited the maternity unit at Prince Charles Hospital to get some advice. It was then that the midwives and doctors weren’t able to find the baby’s heartbeat and I was told he had passed away. At this point I was on my own so I had to wait for my husband, Jamie, to arrive before discussing what needed to happen next.
We were taken to the birthing centre and introduced to Sophia, Honey and Charlene, the midwives and student midwife, who were all excellent in different ways. We met a few other doctors and an anaesthetist who told us what our options were. We decided we wanted to proceed with the induction as soon as possible. It was all led by us and our wishes.
On Tuesday 11 June at 10.19am, I gave birth to our beautiful boy, William. He had a true knot in his cord which was also wrapped around his neck a few times. I wanted to keep everything as normal as possible so I had skin to skin contact and cut the cord.
For the next three days, our family and friends came to the unit to meet William. During that time – an experience you never imagine you’d have – we received the most amazing care from our midwives and student midwives. We were supported with such compassion and love throughout our stay. We were supported to have a memory box made with his footprints, cuttings of hair, hospital band and more. We were also able to have the charity, Remember My Baby, photograph our son which we are so grateful for.
We felt nothing but care and support from everyone we came into contact with during those three days; not once were we made to feel rushed or that we were asking for too much during our time with William. The staff were amazing – they weren’t just looking after us, they were looking after every single person who came to the hospital, whether that was with offers of cups of tea, a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on.
On our last day we had a blessing in the unit for William. Sophia, Honey and Charlene all attended and shed tears alongside us.
We are truly grateful and thankful for the care we received from you all. It made such a devastating time that little bit easier. We could not have asked for better care.”
Touched by the support and care they received, and in the hope of helping other bereaved parents, Danika and Jamie set up a fundraising page for the ward. They have raised an incredible £7800 which will be used to purchase cold cots, casting kits and potential training for staff to use them, memory boxes or memory box items, as well as making donations to 4 Louis charity and Remember My Baby charity.
“If you can’t talk to the people around you, find someone you can talk to about it. And express everything you’re thinking – there’s no judgement.”
The advice dad, Jamie, shares is: “One of the hardest aspects of losing a baby is you don’t have the happy memories to reflect on after they have passed away; that connection hasn’t been formed yet. As a dad, I didn’t have the experience of carrying William so I had even less of a connection with him. I’ve found this very hard. I think, especially from a male perspective, it’s so important to put your ego away and not be afraid to talk about how you feel. The language is important too – not everyone understands ‘the baby was born sleeping’, and we shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed about saying we had a baby, but he died.”
Danika added: “We have found it very helpful to check in with each other throughout the day because you can be ok in the morning and then not in the evening. We really make an effort to talk about how we’re feeling.
We also understand that you’re not going to grieve the same way and sometimes we need different support from each other.
In general, being aware of baby loss is so important too. It’s a topic that doesn’t get talked about and people often don’t want to think about it; you don’t expect to be told three days before your baby’s due date that he has passed away, but it happens. And when it does happen, talking about it helps to ease the pain a little.
I have also found it helpful to go back to the hospital – it’s our local hospital and we’ll need to attend for my daughter’s health appointments, so it was important for me to accept that this where we lost William, but also where we had three precious days with our son and received the highest level of care we could have wished for.”
How CTM supports bereaved parents
Parents who lose their baby are supported by the midwives and are offered a blessing from the hospital Chaplaincy team. A memory box, is provided by the Charity 4 Louis and they include hand and footprint kits, a small box for a lock of the baby’s hair, a blanket, hand knitted keepsakes, a hospital band and a certificate of life.
Once parents are discharged from hospital care, they are given the contact details of the bereavement midwife. There are also additional resources given to parents from child bereavement charities such as Aching Arms.
Donna Morgan, Bereavement Clinical Lead on behalf of the Bereavement Clinical Service shared: “The loss of a baby is a pain that no one can take away, however at CTMUHB, we recognise that the support we offer can be a lifeline to our families. During Baby Loss Awareness week we recognise all of the families that have lost their precious children in our care, as well as the staff that have supported them through such a difficult time. We welcome you all to our wave of light event on 15 October to honour the lives of those taken too soon.”
Wave of Light Event
Join us in a service of remembrance in memory of all babies gone too soon. During the service we will be joining together with others around the UK by lighting a candle at 7pm.
Services will take place in the following locations:
- Glanrhyd Church – Bridgend
- The Butterfly Garden - Prince Charles Hospital
View the information poster here.
09/10/2024